The last rape

I can't remember his name anymore.
Some things you probably shouldn't forget.
One's last rape should be remarkable.

I know what I had on.
I know I said no.
I remember because I had never said no before.

I can still feel him.
I can still hear his friend trying to stay silent in the next bed.
I wonder if he was really alseep.
I wonder if he was apart of my nightmare and all he could do was stay still like me.

He kissed my cheek when he was done.
He watched until I closed the door to my room.
I remember being amazed at the amount of hot water the hotel had.
I heard him outside my door a few times.
I wonder if he heard me cry?

I had to see him the next day.
He kept trying to ask me how I was.
All I heard was my husband calling me a whore.
I knew then we would be divorced.

They said I looked beautiful on the runway that day.
The gleaming in my eyes made me look like a blushing bride.

One should never forget their last rape.

timeclock

checked it again
not really sure why
i figured it out
and you don't like to be exposed
so i check to see if you will acknowledge
nothing
damn
waiting for closure
that will never come

Shrinking me part one

How do you kill it?
-The feelings?
The emotion.
-Why would you want to do that?
Why ask why?
-This is important, don't play games.
No games left to play. All it was was a simple question.
-It's a question I can't answer.
Fine, then help me shut them out.
-Now that's not healthy.
Fuck, this shit I'm feeling isn't healthy either.
-But you can change that.
Fuck you.
-There's no need to be hostile, all I want to do is help.
Don't you see? I can't be helped.
-Of course you can, we can try a lot of different...honey, why are you rocking?

-I can't help you if you won't talk to me.

-I can't help you if you won't talk to me.

-Can't help if you won't talk.

-Talk to me.

-If you don't stop rocking, I will have no choice but to call the hospital.
Do it, maybe they will have the fucking answer.
-Shutting everything out is not the answer. You can't live your life like this.
Fuck, I already do.

copyright Dana M. Pellebon October 29, 2006